A Man’s Birth Stories, Part 1: James

I’m only into my second post of this month’s blog takeover, and already I’m clamoring for more views and shares…let’s see… what do you people like?

Ah, there we go! I took a sneak peek at the analytics of Lacey’s blog, and I can see that over the years, her most popular posts have been when she’s recounted the birth of our children.

Now, since I’m not sure I’ll ever get this chance again, I better milk this opportunity for all it’s worth. Instead of recounting only one birth story, this month I’m going to recount all three.

First up is James.

Fair warning: my memory is not great, so rather than getting step by step details, you’re going to get snapshots of impressions I have from each birth.

With that being said…

2007:

I don’t remember the first time Lacey talked to me about the possibility of doing a natural home birth. Since my memory is terrible and she’s not around to fact check, let’s just say it was my idea from the beginning.

We had both read a book about the history of modern medicine as it relates to pregnancy and birth, and it made a lot of great points. Today, 1 in 3 hospital births in the U.S. end with a C-section, which is about six times higher than the rate recommended by the World Health Organization. For being near the top of the list in terms of first-world development, the U.S. is 34th when it comes to infant mortality rates, right behind Cuba.

There are other interesting pieces of data, and another fascinating resource was a home birth video our midwife recommended . That one was interesting because when you watch it, you come to the conclusion that alternatives to hospital births are totally legitimate, while also convincing yourself that you’re not as weird as the people they chose to feature in the documentary.

My biggest takeaway from this early research was…

*gets on soapbox*

Women, your bodies are naturally suited for creating, nurturing, and giving birth to babies. This has been true since the dawn of humanity. The human body is amazing, and a woman’s body has an incredibly unique and powerful ability. If a woman gets pregnant, you can do absolutely nothing and there’s an 80-90% chance that in nine months, a baby will be born. We can scientifically explain what happens along the way, but that still fails to fully explain the mystery of it.

It’s only within the last century or so that we’ve distorted our views and turned pregnancy and childbirth into an inconvenient experience to be feared and avoided. Less like a natural and beautiful thing, and something that’s closer to this in our collective psyche:

Now, of course there are always exceptions to the natural process. Neither Lacey nor I look down on anyone who chooses to have their baby in the traditional method at a hospital (wait until Part 3).

Some couples have an incredibly tough time conceiving, many struggle with the pain of multiple miscarriages, and there are countless stories of women and children whose lives were saved because doctors were able to perform a C-section. We’re very fortunate to be living in a country where modern medicine is readily available when natural processes fail.

I’m simply suggesting that better understanding the natural and normal process of childbirth helped us conclude that a home birth was a legitimate option, and not something only new-age wackos or back-woods country bumpkins do.

*gets off soapbox*

Now, back to my kid being born…

Here are the things I remember being struck with over the course of 20-ish hours that Lacey labored with James:

• Lacey’s not the screaming-labor type. She’s more the furrowed-brow-clenched-teeth-measured-breaths type. That’s when I realized that there’s a power rolling deep inside her that I may never completely understand.
• Our midwife, aided only by her hands and the most basic of technological instruments, was able to regularly update us on James’ position and condition during labor. If there was ever a point where he was under duress, she would have seen the signs with plenty of time to get us to a hospital. That was really awesome, and gave us a strong sense of security.
• There’s seriously a LOT of time that ticks by from the beginning of active labor to the point at which the baby comes out. Hours go by with only the slightest progressions. These slight, nearly imperceptible progressions can really piss off your wife when she thinks she should be farther along for all the work she’s put in.
• Even though active labor can go slowly for so long, there’s this qualitative shift in the energy of the room when transitional labor begins. With few words being exchanged, suddenly everyone knows that baby is coming REAL soon.
• I’m funny when it comes to sleep. By funny, I mean I infuriate Lacey with how quickly and deeply I can fall asleep. Thankfully, I only fell asleep during her labor once or twice. Obviously I was bringing my A game.
• Before James was born, I had no idea that babies could go through an entire labor with their amniotic sac intact (the water doesn’t always “break”). His sac finally ruptured after he started crowning, but that was a completely unexpected thing to behold. I tried to put my “everything’s fine” face on for Lacey, but deep down I was pretty sure she was giving birth to a new species.
• I’m not a crier. I know that a lot of fathers cry when their son or daughter is born—it is one of the few socially acceptable (and even expected) times for a man to cry. I didn’t cry. I was incredibly happy when James was born, and was stupendously proud of Lacey, but no tears came. Ever since then, I’ve wondered if maybe I’m part robot…

Overall, the home birth went perfectly, and it was so nice to sleep in our own bed the same night we had our baby. Prior to the birth, our midwife encouraged us to have a 6-pack of beer on hand for after the delivery to help Lacey’s breast milk come in more quickly. Did I mention our midwife was awesome?

We spent the next day snuggled in our room.

I made another “everything’s fine” face when I encountered his diaper full of meconium (newborn poop that resembles tar mixed with the souls of a thousand dead armies). There were lots of “fun” little discoveries like that in the days that followed.

Mostly though, we’d find ourselves staring in awe at the little face of the little boy who was suddenly so real and so very much ours.

This is a special callout to Lacey’s male readers, or the husbands of her female readers: what things do you remember from the birth of your firstborn? Submit a comment below to answer.

Bonus: upon hearing our newborn son’s name, my dad promptly bought us the album by James Taylor, Sweet Baby James. Here’s the title track:

Edit: I told you my memory was crap. Here are some corrections, thanks to my lovely wife: We watched a home birth video, not The Business of Being Born. My wife tells me I have never seen that documentary. She labored for around 20 hours, not 17. Those 3 hours matter A LOT. The beer after labor was to help bring in her breast milk, not to replenish burned calories, although technically that did happen too.